While at an appointment with my wellness and functional medicine doctor, we were talking about the environment around us as it eventually becomes part of our cells…and behaviors. Those cells and behaviors make us sick or well – and they help us enjoy life or feel exhausted in life. As part of our conversation I mentioned my children and how I somehow understood that I would enjoy them more based on who they were. And I knew who they were continually becoming was going to be determined by their environment. She said, “You should write an article about that”, so here it is”.
I’ve tried not to be an extremist, even though at times I’m sure I went a little far. While parenting my children I tried to do it keeping in mind how things made me feel, and assumed external factors would become part of their internal make up, and produce how they would feel. Because of this awareness cooked meals were shared activities, chores were automatic, and time spent together was a regular chosen action. Neither did bedtime have much fluctuation, nor did the time to rise in the mornings. Physical activity is a daily part of all our lives, and television is a relaxing luxury, not a pastime.
There’s a time to do homework, yard work and laundry…and regular open conversations are a part of life. There’s no topic that I fear discussing with my children, and there are no questions that I’m afraid to ask. We regularly have “patio conversations” about sex, substances, electronics, kindness, spirituality, politics and the natural care of this planet. They live with limits, boundaries and expectations, and when these are challenged or resisted, we talk, even when it’s difficult – and figure things out. There were times I may have wanted to freak or tantrum with them, I didn’t. I took a time out for me, not them because I was the one that needed it. I wouldn’t discipline when I was angry, and I made sure the consequence was in line with the action. Someone wise taught me discipline was about teaching not about reacting. The words “I love you”, kisses hello, goodbye, and goodnight are everyday actions in our home. Love and physical touch is important to kids, if they don’t get it at home they will look for it elsewhere.
I believe with all of my heart being consciously aware of what was going into their bodies through their months, their eyes and their ears produced who they became. It wasn’t always easy, but these choices allowed them to feel better in their skin which made them feel better in their lives. It wasn’t that parented without making mistakes, I made sure that I became comfortable asking for forgiveness. My children are two of my favorite people on this earth. I love them dearly but most important…I like them.
t. duncan